AM~ I ate an entire bag of Double Stuft Oreos for breakfast & crushed them up into my MRS....
& poured myself a double shot of grape Spark!
Ha...
OK, I'm totally not fooling anyone...
AM~ I had my Choc. MRS & grape Spark regular amounts.
Lunch 12:30PM ~Kept getting distracted & didn't feel the urge to eat until this time. 3 mo. ago I would have been going.. come on Noon... I'm starving & poking my stomach every 5 min. telling it to shut up & stop growling. 1.5c. spinach & lettuce salad with 5 small green olives & 1 Tbs. Italian dressing, 1HB egg, 1 clementine, 1 small dark choc. mousse jello cup (will pawn other 5 off on hubby) I totally wasn't impressed & won't be eating it again.
~As far as pity the foo title~ I TOTALLY wish I'd heard of Advocare back in Oct... or like anytime in the past 5 years... well now is as good of a time as ever. I'm sorry that I'm SOOO Excited about it, but seriously you'd be too after trying for 6 years to dump almost 35lbs. now. That's 1 BIG A$$ bag of dog kibble I'm not carrying around on my body anymore! I'm not worried when I go in my closet to look for clothes anymore, or go into VS to get a bra. It was always my personal joke that they don't sell fat people clothes at VS because they don't want fat people wearing them... well I can now go there & find my size & that means I'm not one of those "fat people" anymore & hopefully in a few months I'll be able to post i'm once again one of those "skinny people".
I find myself now "these days" in that mythical place that every "morbidly obese" (according to my height/wt. chart when I'd finally started & gave up that just exercise & water would be enough) person only dreams is possible, but never expects to find. The place where all of a sudden, all of "this" just gets...well...easy.
I pack my lunches and prep my dinners, I have my workout schedule & Zumba classes, I'm managing at my job & not worried about what might happen if the granite counter of goodness has something on it at the office, and I have my general plan for the week & how it's going to turn out & most of the time, I'm not that far off! Nothing seems unmanageable, or insurmountable, or impossible. In fact, spring has sprung and everything is looking pretty great! I'm even not hitting snooze as often (unless i'm sick or Gina was interfering with it)
Deep down I know that no one's taking anything from me, because I'm not in a place anymore where I'm going to let them have it. I like my "easy". I've grown very fond of my "easy" and I'm getting quite comfortable in it. So to those that want to take away my "easy" I say - GO GET YOUR OWN EASY!!! *cough* it's for sale online at: ADVOCARE or on the link next to this blog.
One of the major things that always held me back from losing weight and keeping it off in the past was this idea of "easy". I didn't think it was possible. Because it was so unattainable in my mind, I figured it was pointless to even try working towards it, other than thinking exercise was the key to staying skinny like I'd learned over the last decade was the way to do so. That & not to have kids would keep me skinny (obviously, that theory didn't work). It was too far in the distance to be seen - it could only be imagined. Not focusing too hard on the distant future and what it might or might not look like. For me, I know that I'm about to enter uncharted territory as far as my weight is concerned that I haven't seen in 6 years. But, there's an ease that comes with that too because every day I live right now, I know that all I'm doing is taking it one day at a time, and that's all that matters. That's all I can control. Today is mine. Tomorrow will be mine tomorrow & not until. 20, 25 more pounds from now, I'm still going to be living - one day at a time. (And hopefully with as much ease as I've learned to enjoy these past 2 months).
It was also a shock to me to learn that forgetting to eat constantly could also FINALLY be easy... or at least MUCH easier. It's ok to "only eat 1 scoop" & then stop, it will still be there the next day. Or to not eat my fill or money's worth at the AUC2E buffet, or put something back in the fridge for the next meal. But that's also not the easiest fact to digest. As fat people, it is somehow drilled into our subconscious on a daily basis that the only way we are ever going to succeed in weight loss is to remove ourselves from the rest of the world, check into a ranch for 6 months, work out 6+ hours a day & eat 1200 or fewer calories to compensate for it. I'd like to say I'm living proof that that method couldn't be further from the truth. Especially, if you can't afford to take a 6 month leave of absence from YOUR LIFE.
When you do it like that - check out for weeks on end to "deal with the weight" - integration back into a normal existence is often extremely unsuccessful. Your life is happening now - all of it. You can't just put certain pieces of it on hold to go deal with other more pressing issues, because what then happens is that the stuff you put on hold becomes the pressing issue. You have to live the whole thing - all at once. It isn't always pretty, but at least then the pieces all move together.
My psychological issues are intrinsically tied to my weight (and the gain or loss thereof). Learning to live a COMPLETE life with ease means that eventually my body will find it's own ease and will settle at a weight that is comfortable. THAT'S something that I can get behind and continue to believe in.
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